Daffodils in Winter
by amyvictoriaa
Summary: Matthew's feelings for Mary are clear but she misses her chance and has to face the consequences. Matthew turns his feelings towards someone else and Mary realises she's made a mistake, but is it too late ?
1. Chapter 1

_First of all I just wanted to say that I DO NOT own any of these characters, they belong to Julian Fellows._

This is the first fan fic I have started to write without knowing where I am taking it... For now, you know as much as I do! I have a few ideas that I'll try to expand but if you have any advice or anything, please let me know.

I hope you enjoy reading! And please feel free to review, it means a lot.

* * *

"Oh of course," Mary began, rolling her eyes at her papa who was sitting at the end of the breakfast table, "how silly of me, I'd forgotten; women are feeble and sensitive and are not to get involved in men's affairs, isn't that right Papa?" She asked, a hint of sarcasm to her tone.

Robert sat there, wide eyed, shocked at how little his eldest seemed to think of him. Placing his knife and fork on his unfinished plate, he looked up at his daughter and opened his mouth to reply to her harsh comment.

"Oh Mary, you know that's not what I meant-" he trailed off but before he could say anymore he was cut off.

"If you think me feeble then I'm afraid you don't know me at all." Mary said before drinking the last of her tea. Why did men always have to know better? Her father had been to see Murray about the entail and when she had asked him what had been said, the only answer she got was 'don't worry about it, it's none of your concern'. None of your concern! She thought. It was almost ironic. It concerned her in every way! Her father was the Earl of Grantham and as his eldest daughter, she should be the one to inherit his power and take over the estate when he passed. But then Matthew - a middle class solicitor from Manchester - had arrived and had simply taken her place as heir to Downton, despite not knowing the first thing about being a member of the aristocracy! And yet her father thought this matter to be 'none of her concern', it was a joke, she thought, everything was just a joke.

"Of course I don't!" Robert replied as though his feelings were obvious. "What's brought this on? It isn't anything to do with Matthew is it?" He lowered his tone a little on his question and held his head a little higher, staring at her for an answer.

Mary had been holding back, she hadn't wanted to start the day off with shouting matches, but as she heard her papa pronounce his name, she could hold it back no longer.

"Why does everything have to be about Matthew?!" Carson, who had been standing by the food table at the back of the room looked surprised at Lady Mary's words, but shocked he was not. Despite the impropriety of her raising her voice at the breakfast table, Carson didn't blame her. He never did. A distant cousin of hers had turned up out of nowhere to claim his place as heir and in doing so he had shattered Lady Mary's hopes and dreams to one day run Downton herself.

"That's not fair." Robert said, throwing her a warning glance to calm down.

"What's not fair is the fact that you have the son you've always wanted now and that in consequence I have been put to one side. Now that you have Matthew, you can mentor him, prepare him to take over from you when the time comes. And I am to find a husband and move away so that you can live happily ever after!" She blurted out, doing her best to fight back her tears.

Her father looked flaberghasted, did she actually believe this? Matthew had been a blessing, and he had grown quite fond of him but he could never take the place of his darling daughter. It hurt him to think that she thought differently. He loved Mary although it was very middle class to say such things, but he thought her to be very childish at that moment. What had Matthew done to deserve her hatred?

"Nonsense." He snorted at how ridiculous she sounded.

"Don't you see, Papa?" Mary asked, her voice sounding too shaky for her liking, "you have replaced me with Matthew Crawley, and that-" she paused, " that's not fair." Before her father could even answer, she had got up from her chair and left the room in silence.

After a few moments, Sybil - who had sat through the argument without saying a word - decided to reassure her papa who looked like he had just been beaten about the head.

"She didn't mean it, Papa." She tried, her sweet innocent voice causing her father to lift his head in her direction and smile half heartedly before looking back down at his plate.

"Didn't she?" He sighed, not sure of himself. He hadn't realised that Mary felt that way. He had certainly been spending a lot of time with Matthew lately, but it had been highly necessary: Matthew had a lot to learn.

"Well it certainly sounded as though she meant it to me." Edith interrupted, a half smile on her face before Sybil shot her a warning glance.  
The youngest in the room could see the pain in her papa's eyes and reached out for his hand over the table.

"Don't worry Papa, things will sort themselves out. They always do." She smiled reassuringly.

Robert stared at his daughter with pride, "how is it you somehow always manage to lighten the mood?" He smiled, stroking Sybil's hand.

"'The happiest people I have known"', she began, remembering something she had read on a political leaflet Branson had kindly given her, "'have been those who gave themselves no concern about their own souls, but did their uttermost to mitigate the miseries of others.'"

"Wise words." Robert smiled. "Who said that?" He inquired.

"Elizabeth Cady Stanton." She replied. "She was a-"

Robert sighed as he heard the name. "I know who she was." He admitted, slightly annoyed. "Everything you do lately seems to somehow involve politics and women's rights. Branson's had a bad influence on you." He had thought that a politically interested chauffeur was rather amusing at first but now he was beginning to think otherwise. The truth was he regretted ever hiring Branson. Sybil was the baby of the family and since he arrived, she seemed to have grown up and got a mind of her own, she had become opinionated and Robert wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

* * *

"Will that be all, my lady?" Anna asked as Mary finished doing up the buttons on her winter coat.

"Yes, thank you Anna." She replied, smiling at the young maid. "I don't think I'll be gone long, I'll be back in time for luncheon." After the argument at breakfast earlier, Mary had decided to go on a walk. She thought it best to avoid her father for the time being and she also rather fancied a walk down to the lake, to breathe in the cool winter air.

"Right you are my lady." Anna smiled before leaving the room.

Mary left the room shortly afterwards and made her way outside. A gust of wind hit her as she began walking down the path, causing her to shiver a little. She didn't mind it though, in fact she rather liked it. At least it took her mind off things.

As she got further away, she noticed Sybil heading towards the garage. She hadn't said anything about going anywhere, Mary thought. She stopped to watch her youngest sister as she saw her approach the chauffeur. They were quite far away but it certainly didn't look like Sybil was ordering for the car to be sent round. She couldn't be sure but she thought she could see Sybil handing something over to Branson. Why would she be talking to the chauffeur if she didn't intend on going anywhere? Suddenly she realised: politics. They were talking politics again and she wasn't sure she liked the idea of her darling sister getting in to all that. She was certain her papa wouldn't want his youngest daughter galavanting around the country, attending political meetings with the man he had hired as his chauffeur.

She would ask her about it later, she decided. She had considered walking down to the garage herself but there was no point interrogating her right away, after all, she wasn't going anywhere. No, she would speak to her later.

* * *

"Ah Branson!" Sybil said as she found the man she'd been looking for. "I thought I'd find you here." She walked over to him, a smile on her face.

"My lady." Tom greeted her, bobbing his head slightly. "Where else would I be?" He asked, rather amused. "Somehow I don't think Lord Grantham would approve if he found me going on morning strolls around your gardens or reading his newspaper in the library," he joked.

"No, no of course not," Sybil laughed, shaking her head slightly embarassed. "I'm sorry," she added.

"There's no reason to be sorry, my lady. My ambitions don't exactly include me fixing cars and driving your lot from here to there; I have other plans for my future, but for now I'm very happy and grateful for my job here." He was, grateful that is, for his job. He knew that there were plenty men out there who hadn't been as lucky as he had. He rarely had to fix the cars and he enjoyed driving them. He had a decent employer, a roof to sleep under and his food was paid for. As far as he was concerned, he was very lucky indeed.

"I'm glad," Sybil replied. She admired him for many reasons, he had ambitions, goals. He knew his own mind and she liked that.

"Were those for me?" He inquired, his eyes on the leaflets in her hand.

Sybil had been so caught up in their conversation that she had forgotten her reason for being there in the first place.

"Oh, yes," she replied as she handed the leaflets over to Branson. She watched him in anticipation as he had a look at them.

"The bi-election," he mumbled before looking at her for answers.

"Yes. They are being held in Ripon on Tuesday," she said, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Tom looked up at her, still not fully understanding what it was that she was asking.

"Would you take me?" She asked nervously, biting her lip.

"To the bi-election?!" He asked, surprised that she might want to go to somewhere that didn't involve dressing up and wearing one's most expensive looking jewelry. But then he remembered who is was talking to; Sybil wasn't a typical Earl's daughter. That's what he liked about her.

"Honestly Branson, don't look so surprised!" She replied. Did he actually think she would miss her very first bi-election?

"Are you sure, my lady? These kind of things can be very unpredictable. It only takes a couple of people to start fighting and-" he looked at her for a second, she looked so innocent and naive, "it can be dangerous, my lady," he said, his voice low as he stared into her eyes.

She could feel his eyes on her and suddenly felt rather uncomfortable. "I won't miss it, Branson," she said in a more serious tone. "I'm interested and just because I was born into a weathly family doesn't mean I'm weak." She paused for a moment before persuing, "I have as much right to be there as every other woman."

All Branson could do was smile. She was so determind, so strong. In the short amount of time he had known her, she never ceased to amaze him. He had never met anyone like her, she was one of a kind.

"Has Lord Grantham agreed?" He would not take her unless she had her father's permission. As much as he wanted to grant her her wish, he couldn't help but feel nervous about her going. He secretly hoped that Lord Grantham would forbid her to go just to put his mind at ease.

"He doesn't know," she began but persude as Branson was about to speak, "yet." She clarified. "I'll ask him when he's in a better mood," she promised.

"Well if his Lordship agrees, I see no reason as to why I couldn't drive you there." Tom decided.

"He'll come around to the idea eventually, he can't keep denying me forever. He'll just have to put up with the fact that his daugther actually has her own opinions." She was almost certrain she could get her dear papa to grant her permission. She loved him, but she was no longer a child and the fact that her father still thought her so was beginning to frustrate her.

"She certainly does." Branson pointed, a small grin on his face.

 **TBC.  
**

* * *

Okay so that was the first chapter, I know it was quite short but the chapters to come should be longer.  
Like I said above, I haven't given this fic much thought, I don't know how the story is going to turn out yet. I usually plan out my whole story first but this time I'm being spontanious. So if anyone has any ideas or little things they'd like me to put into this fan fic, please let me know.  
 **All types of reviews are welcome, if you have any ideas as to how i can make it better, please don't be shy!  
I hope you enjoyed it !**


	2. Chapter 2

_So here's the second chapter... It's longer than the first as promised and contrary to the last chapter there is quite a lot of M/M in this one._  
 _Please review and let me know what you think!_

* * *

As Mary approached the wood, she stopped for a moment to take in the view in front of her. The trees had few leaves left on their branches and the ones that were left were closed and frozen due to the cold air. The beautiful array of colourful flowers that had blossomed during the summer were no more and the grassless path crunched under her feet as the thin layer of ice shattered as she walked. She blended in rather well, she thought. The wood looked sad, cold and lonely; she was definitely that.

She thought about turning back as the air seemed to be getting a little cooler, but when she remembered what awaited her at Downton - changing for luncheon, making polite conversation over the table (no doubt with Matthew), facing her papa - the gloomy wood shone in comparison.

She let out a sigh as she continued to walk further down the path. What sort of life was she living? If one could even call it a life... Wasn't life supposed to be filled with adventures and excitement and - she paused for a second - and love? Did she really have any of those things? The most adventurous she had been was when she once chose a dress her mama didn't like! She didn't think she needed anymore excitement after everything that had happened with Pamuk. And as for love, she couldn't even bear to think of it. Her parents and Sybil loved her - she wasn't too sure about Edith - but that wasn't the kind of love she so longed for. She was starting to lose hope, most of her friends from the season were married now or at least engaged. She was no closer to finding a husband than she was at her debutante ball...

She had always dreamt of marrying for love, although she would never admit it - it made her sound so young and naive - but she knew now that it was probably time to let that dream go, along with all the others she had once dreamt as a child. If she were to marry, it wouldn't be for love she thought, it would be some ghastly arranged marriage that would no doubt give her a position in society, which of course would make her mama happy, but she didn't care a fig about hosting dinner parties and local flower shows despite what everyone thought. Her mama may be happy to do so but it wasn't the type of thing Mary would enjoy.

Of course, everyone was pushing her towards Matthew, how convenient, she thought. She would be able to stay at Downton and one day take over from her mother as Countess of Grantham. But how on earth did they expect her to marry Cousin Matthew after he had been the one to shatter all her dreams? She could never love the man who took away everything she had always wanted, that just wasn't possible for her.

Coming up to a frost-covered bench, Mary decided to rest her legs for a moment before heading back. Using her winter gloves, she cleared a spot and sat down. She took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. It wouldn't be long before the first snow fell, she thought. All of a sudden the sadness she had been feeling for so long finally took it's toll and came flooding out in tears. She put her hand up to her mouth as she began to sob.

* * *

"Ah Cousin Isobel!" Robert said as he made his way over to the front door to greet her. "How are you?" He asked, kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm very well thank you. I do hope I'm not intruding," she began, a small smile on her face, "Cousin Cora asked Matthew and I to luncheon."

"Of course you're not intruding," he reassured her, "but, where's Matthew? Isn't he coming? Only I'd hoped to walk down to the cottages with him afterwards." Robert asked, peering behind Isobel to see if Matthew was in tow.

"He is, coming that is. He should be here soon. He had to go to his office this morning, he said he would walk from there and meet me here," she informed him.

"Ah, I see," Robert replied, leading Isobel into the drawing room. "Well there's no rush, Mary isn't even here yet," he said, looking up at the clock and wondering what could be taking her so long. She had been gone quite a while, she must have run into someone, he thought.

* * *

The sound of heavy footsteps on dry leaves getting closer and closer made Mary look up. She hadn't expected to come across anyone in the woods, that was the reason she chose to walk there. Quickly remembering what state she must have been in, she wiped her red eyes dry and straightened her composure in case anyone saw her. God forbid anyone from the village see her like that, what would they think of her?

Just then a man came into view. Mary's eyes widened as she recognised the familiar face, this was no villager. In fact it just happened to be the very man that had been on her mind all morning, the one man she did not want to see. Matthew.

He had just left the office after a rather busy morning there. He had been up most of the night, preparing his documents for his early morning meeting with a client. He was exhausted. Although he enjoyed going up to the big house, he didn't really feel up to it after the day he'd had. He would have much prefered to go back to Crawley house and relax with a good book in front of the fire. He knew that Robert had almost certainly made plans for the two of them that would take up the rest of the day.

His mind was quickly taken off that matter when he thought he heard crying. As he got closer, he realised that he wasn't hearing things; he could definitely hear a woman crying. He walked a little faster towards the clearly distressed woman but suddenly he couldn't hear her anymore, the weeping had ceased.

She must have heard him coming, he thought. Who could it be? And why would anyone be crying out in the wood anyway? As he walked around the corner, at least his first question was answered. Mary.

"Cousin Mary?" He asked as he approached her. Why on earth was she out here crying all by herself? What had been the reason for her tears? He hoped no one was ill. Was she ill? He suddenly thought. Mary and he hadn't been getting on very well and he doubted they were destined to be close friends but she remained a member of his family, a distant one of course, but still. If there was anything he could do to help her, he would do his utmost best to do so.

Why did it have to be him? She thought. Out of all the people; it had to be him, didn't it. Hadn't she been punished enough? Obviously not. How pleased he will be to find her crying, how superior it will make him feel.

As she heard him call her name, she sighed and put on a brave face in hope that he wouldn't notice she'd been crying.

"Cousin Matthew," she said, lacking the enthusiasm he had. She turned on the bench to face him as arrived in front of her.

"May I?" He asked, pointing to the bench.

"Why bother asking? You seem to do whatever it is you want anyway," she trailed off under her breath.

Suddenly it dawned on him; he was the reason for her tears. He swallowed and took a seat beside her. Feeling a little less comfortable now, he looked down at the ground and then back up at Mary.

"Are you quite alright?" He asked, the feeling of concern overriding any other feelings he may have for her. She certainly didn't look alright. Her eyes were clearly swollen and red, her cheeks tear-stained and she seemed desperately sad. This wasn't the Mary he knew but then again perhaps this was the real Mary, he had caught her off-guard after all. Maybe she usually hides behind her cold and hard exterior when in fact inside she is screaming for someone to notice her, to see her for who she truly is. He couldn't be sure though, they hadn't really spoken to each other of late and he felt he didn't really know her at all.

"Oh what do you care?" She threw back rather harshly. Regretting her words, she sighed and looked away from him for a second.

"I do care," he paused, "I care about you a great deal," he added, lowering his voice a little. And he did, care about her, very much.

Mary didn't know what to say to that. She knew she was being harsh, but he deserved it didn't he? The truth was she didn't know how to act around Matthew, and that scared her. She despised him for taking her place as heir to Downton but why did he have to be so nice? She would have prefered him to be selfish and cold rather than be so pleasant all the time. Why did he have to make everything so complicated? She couldn't even dislike him the way she wanted to.

"I'm sorry," she eventually said, raising a hand to her forehead and closing her eyes for a moment. "I'm just being silly really, I should be getting back," she decided, about to get up.

"Wait!" Matthew said, placing his hand on her arm, imploring her to sit back down.

She looked at his hand on her arm questioningly and slightly shocked. He immediately pulled his hand away as she regained her seat.

"What is it?" She asked.

Matthew looked at her for a second. Despite her hair and clothes being slightly disheveled by the wind, she still managed to look extremely beautiful. He couldn't help but think that he had unintentionally ruined her life; by coming to Downton he had taken away her future. He had never set out to do anything of the sort. If he could refuse to be Robert's heir and hand that responsability back over to Mary, then he would. He wouldn't even think twice, she is more deserving of it than he. Her whole life she has been preparing to take over only to hear that a distant solicitor cousin of hers with no experience in her field was to take everything from her, everything that she had thought to be hers. He hated himself for it, he hated the fact that the only thing he could do was apologize.

"Mary, I am sorry, you know," he paused, looking genuinely apologetic, "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I-"

Mary put a hand up to stop him from saying it again. She couldn't bear to hear it, she didn't like being pitied. It made her feel vunerable.

"Thank you," she whispered in a rather shaky voice. Her eyes full of sadness and despair, she looked so tired, so fed up Matthew thought. It wasn't right, she was young, beautiful, she had everything to live for, to be happy and it hurt him to think that he was in the way of her happiness, he was the barrier she couldn't seem to get past.

He was sorry at least, she thought. He looked it, anyway. It was of small consolation but she was grateful to him for saying so.

* * *

"Where on earth have they go to?" Robert wondered. Everyone had been ready for twenty minutes and they were all sat waiting to go through to the dining room.

"Matthew should be here by now," Isobel pointed out, looking up at the clock. "I can't imagine what's taking him so long." He was supposed to have left the office shortly after she left Crawley House but he can't have or he'd be there by now.

Typical Mary, Edith thought. No consideration for anyone but herself. She didn't even tell anyone where she was going.

"Carson," Robert began, "has Anna said anything about Lady Mary's whereabouts?" He inquired.

"Not that I know of, my lord," the butler replied, taking a moment to think, "although I believe she told Anna that she would be back in time for luncheon," he informed his lordship.

"Perhaps they are together somewhere," Sybil proposed, "after all, they will both have been on their way here."

Edith frowned, "Mary and Matthew, together?" she asked, amused, "they can't stand to be around each other!" She laughed. If they did happen to have run into each other, she doubted neither of them would return to Downton in one piece.

Sybil thought for a moment, "well maybe they've put their differences to one side," she said, although even she, ever the optimist didn't think that were likely. But still, they're might be hope.

Robert snorted, "now that would be a miracle!" He joked.

Cora smiled at Robert, she had hoped that Mary and Matthew would get along better than they did, but she couldn't see that happening somehow; how ever much she may want them to.

"... well, we can't wait any longer I suppose," Robert decided. "We'll have to go through without them," he said, walking over to the window to see if they were on their way, but still no sign of them. "Carson, would you have Mrs. Patmore make up some sandwiches for when Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley arrive?"

"Certainly, my lord," Carson replied as he took a step towards the door and opened it for everyone.

* * *

Suddenly feeling rather hungry, Mary realised she'd been gone a lot longer than expected.

"What time is it?" She asked, hoping that they hadn't been gone too long. Her papa wouldn't be too pleased about her being late after their argument this morning.

"Oh god, it's already a quater to two!" He exclaimed, looking down at his watch.

Mary sighed, they usually ate at quater past one. "I've missed luncheon then, Papa will be pleased," she replied sarcastically.

"I'm not sure he'll be too happy with me either, and I suspect Mother will be rather displeased too," he mumbled. "I was supposed to meet her at the house half an hour ago," he trailed off.

Mary looked up at him, her mama must have invited him over, she thought.

"Well, at least Granny isn't there, that will mean one less ticking off," Mary joked.

Matthew grinned at her comment, that was the first time he had seen Mary smile in his presence. Of course, he had seen her smile from afar but never up close, and she had certainly never joked with him. Maybe something had changed between them, he thought.

"I think Mother will be as pleased as we are; not having Cousin Violet to fight with over luncheon," Matthew laughed.

Mary let herself laugh for the first time in a while. If someone had told her this morning that she would be laughing and joking with Matthew Crawley this afternoon, she would have laughed in their face. He wasn't too bad she supposed, at least he seemed to share her sense of humour. But this still didn't mean they were friends.

* * *

The family had just finished eating when they heard Carson talking in the hall.

"That must be them," Cora said, rising to her feet and making her way into the hall, followed by her husband.

"Matthew, my boy!" Robert called as he walked over to greet him. "I'm afraid you've missed luncheon," he added.

"We know," Mary interrupted, "I hadn't planned to be gone so long, you see I-"

"Where were you?" Robert asked in a more serious tone, cutting her off and by doing so wiping the smile off her face. "You told Anna you'd be back in time for luncheon." He persued.

She couldn't believe she was hearing this, her papa had offered Matthew a warm and welcome greeting and all she got was a telling off. Not to mention Matthew was still stood beside her and it was quite franckly embarassing. She was twenty two years old and her father still insisted on treating her like a child.

Could Matthew ever do anything wrong in her father's eyes? He had been late too, had he not? They had arrived together for heaven's sake! Why was it that she was always to blame? She couldn't understand it. How could her papa, _her papa_ , treat her so differently to the way he treated Matthew? She was _his daughter_! Matthew was merely a distant cousin.

Being back at Downton reminded her why she had been crying in the first place and it reminded her of why she couldn't be friends with Matthew. Everything good she had began to feel for him earlier had disappeared. How could she have even began to consider the idea of them being friends? It was never going to work.

"I lost track of time," she told her father, in a slightly annoyed voice, "and now if you don't mind I think I'll go to my room," she said, not wanting to spend a minute longer with her father and his golden boy.

"What about your lunch?" Cora asked her daughter, noticing the sadness in her eyes as she walked past her, towards the stairs.

Mary stopped as she reached the staircase and turned to face her mama, "suddenly I don't feel hungry anymore," she replied coldly before making her way to her bedroom.

Matthew watched her walk away with a lump in his throat. Any progress they had made was lost. Why was it he felt as though with Mary it was always one step forward, two steps back? Now how would he ever regain her trust? He could undertand her reaction though, her father hadn't exactly been fair.

"A-actually," Matthew began, rather hesitant at first, "it's my fault we're late," he admitted, causing Robert to frown. "You see, I was on my way to Downton and I - I came accross Mary," he continued, he didn't want to tell them about her crying. That was between them and he wouldn't give her away. "She was on her way back but I suggested we sit down on a nearby bench to - talk," he knew he wasn't a very good liar but he hoped he was being convincing enough.

Robert immediately regretted his harsh words to his daughter. He sighed and put a hand to his forehead. "I see," he realised what exactly Matthew had just told him, "so, you two are on speaking terms now?" He asked, his hopes high.

Matthew looked to the top of the stairs where Mary had been only moments before and then with a look of deverstation, he turned back to the older man, "not anymore, it would seem."

Robert realised now that his daughter and Matthew had actually been getting on with one another and he had all but split them further apart. He mentally kicked himself for it. How blind he had been.

Seeing the regret in her husbands eyes, Cora was quick to intervene.

"Matthew, Mrs. Patmore has made some sandwiches for you," she smiled, "you must be hungry," she said.

"That's very kind Cousin Cora, but I think I'll be on my way, if you'll excuse me..." He replied, smiling half-heartedly. Feeling the need to justify his leaving, he added "I've had rather a busy time at work lately and I'd rather like to review some court cases, if you don't mind."

 _Court cases_ , Cora thought. He definitely wasn't a convincing liar but she could see he needed to be on his own. "Of course not," Cora smiled.

"Please offer my excuses to the rest of the family," he paused as he put on his gloves, "and, would you let Mother know I've gone back to the house?" He asked as Carson handed him his hat.

"Don't worry, I'll tell her," Cora said, placing a comforting hand on Matthew's forearm.

And with that, Matthew bobbed his head and began the walk home. How stupid of him to think that he and Mary might actually get along.

* * *

"Should I have the sandwiches sent up now, Mr. Carson?" Mrs. Patmore asked as she saw him appear at the bottom of the stairs.

Carson sighed, "we won't be needing them anymore Mrs. Patmore," he informed her.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Lady Mary has gone to her room and Mr. Crawley has gone back to Crawley House."

The old cook took a deep breath before answering, "well what I am supposed to do with the food then?!" She asked, raising her voice, very clearly annoyed.

"I don't know, Mrs. Patmore, I don't know." Carson replied before leaving the room and heading towards his pantry. When he had seen Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley arrive at the house together, he had got his hopes up. He had hoped that they had put their differences to one side and made up. But alas, it just wasn't meant to be.

"I'll have 'em, Mrs. Patmore," Daisy spoke up.

"Oh, I'm sure you would!" She shouted back.

 **TBC.**

* * *

 _ **So Mary and Matthew have started talking to each other, I know this was a bit of a sad chapter but I will continue to explore that M/M relationship in Chapter 3.**  
 **Please review and let me know what you thought, they really do help to improve and better my writing skills aswell as encourage me to write more and faster.**_

 ** _Thank you for reading!_**


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry for taking so long to post chapter 3, I've just gone back to college and I've had quite a lot of homework!  
I just wanted to thank you for all your lovely reviews, I really appreciate them!

Anyway, here's chapter 3, I hope you enjoy it and please leave a review and let me know what you thought.

* * *

As Cora approached her eldest daughter's bedroom, the sound of light sobbing got clearer. All Mary seemed to do lately was cry, Cora thought. She raised a hand to the slightly ajar door and knocked gently.

"Mary?" She asked before pushing the door open and peering around it, only to find her daughter slumped on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands, tears trickling down her face. The sight broke her heart. No mother wants to see their child in that state, no matter how old they are. But of course, this wasn't the first time she'd found Mary like this. It was becoming quite frequent and Cora was beginning to feel worried. These days, the family were lucky if they saw Mary at all during the day. She was skipping more and more meals and seemed to shut herself away in her bedroom for most of the day. As a mother, Cora didn't know what to do.

"Oh my darling," Cora said sympathetically as she made her way over to her daughter.

Mary looked up at her mama as she took a seat next to her and put a comforting arm around her back.

"Oh mama..." She sobbed, raising a hand to cover her eyes. She didn't know what to do anymore. She couldn't impress her father like she used to, everything she did or said seemed to be wrong. She had always been so close to her papa, and now she felt she didn't know him anymore.

"What is it, what's wrong, Mary?" Her mama whispered. What was she supposed to do? She had hoped her mother's instinct would have kicked in but she didn't know the exact reason behind Mary's troubles and without knowing all the facts, she felt she couldn't be of any help to her. Cora often felt useless, women like her didn't really have much of a purpose other than host dinner parties and entertain guests, but at that moment, she had never felt more so. Her daughter was very clearly distressed, depressed even. She was crying her eyes out in front of her, something which Mary very rarely used to do. She had always been the strong one in the family. Even as a child, she had always held back her tears in fear of appearing vunerable, which she clearly was now. Cora could see how hurt her eldest was and yet, she felt she couldn't do anything about it.

Trying to calm herself down a little, Mary took a deep breath and turned to face her mama.

"You've seen the way Papa looks at Matthew, the way he treats him," she brought her handkerchief up to her eyes and gently patted them before continuing, "I just can't do anything right anymore, can I?" She asked causing fresh tears to fall from her swollen eyes.

Cora might not have known exactly why Mary was so upset, but one look into her daughter's eyes told her that her father's behaviour wasn't the reason for all of this. It was more than that. She wasn't upset because her papa cared for Matthew, she was upset because _she_ cared for Matthew whether she knew it yet, or not.

"Mary," Cora began, getting her daughter's attention. She knew that what she was about to say was a delicate matter, but she had no choice but to ask. She stared into Mary's tearful eyes, "do you have feelings for Matthew?" There, she'd said it and she was prepared for Mary's reaction, whatever it may be.

Her eyes suddenly widened and the colour drained from her face. Was she hearing right? Did her mama just ask her if she had feelings for Matthew Crawley? How could she even think such a thing? It was absolutely absurd!

"Of course I don't!" Mary hissed. She looked puzzled as to why her mother would even think that she felt anything other than resentement towards him. Hadn't they already been through all of this before? She didn't love Matthew, how many times did she need to say it? If she climbed to the top of the abbey and shouted it from the roof, would they listen then? What was it going to take?

"Mary-" Cora tried.

"No, mama," Mary cut her off, her tone serious and calm, "Matthew and I will never feel anything for each other," she said, very matter-of-factly as she straightened her composure and placed her damp handkerchief on her bedside table. "I'd like to be on my own now, mama," she said, hoping her mother would take the hint and leave.

Understanding that, like Matthew, Mary needed time to herself to think things over, Cora nodded and stood up. She gently stroked her daughter's red cheek before making her way towards the door.

Mary sighed, relieved that the conversation was over and watched her mother leave the room.

Just as Cora pulled the door open, she turned around and smiled at Mary. "You know," she said, "I'm not so sure that your feelings of dislike towards Matthew are reciprocated."

Mary frowned, "what do you mean?"

"He told your papa that you being late for luncheon was entirely his fault." Cora smiled to herself as she left the room. She knew Matthew had lied about who's fault it actually was, she was just thankful her husband didn't pay enough attention to notice.

Once again, Mary was left alone with her thoughts. She stared at the floor, confused. Why would Matthew say that? Why would he take the blame? Perhaps he was just showing off, showing papa how perfect he was, taking the blame for his daughter. Yes, that must be it she told herself. After all, why else would he have done it?

* * *

Sybil and Mary had been enjoying a walk around the grounds after dinner that evening. Sybil always loved to spend time with her eldest sister, especially lately seen as she had been so down over Matthew.

Mary had told her sister she wanted to go on a walk because she so loved the evening air, but in fact, breathing in the fresh air wasn't exactly her intention when he had asked Sybil to join her. She wanted to confront her, over her suspicious looking chat with the chauffeur earlier on in the day.

"Everything looks so beautiful from here, doesn't it?" Sybil asked her sister, smiling as she looked down at Downton from the hills. She could see why Mary would want to fight the entail and become Countess of Grantham. The abbey was a magical place.

"Mmh," Mary simply replied, her mind on other things. She frowned for a moment, wondering what exactly she was going to ask her younger sister before taking a breath and turning on her heel. "What was the reason for your paying the chauffeur a visit this morning?" She looked for Sybil's reaction as her mother had done for hers. She watched as Sybil's eyes looked to the ground and then up to look at her.

The question came as a shock, she wasn't expecting it. She wasn't aware that she was being spied on. She cleared her throat and put a smile on her face.

"I went to order the car for Mama," she lied. That was believable wasn't it? Mary wouldn't allow her to go to a by-election alone. If she told her, she was bound to tell Papa.

"Mama hasn't mentioned any plans to go anywhere," Mary threw back almost instantly. She could tell Sybil was lying, the red cheeks and the fact that Sybil was biting her lip were the give aways. Mary knew her too well.

The younger girl swallowed, she didn't know what to say. Maybe she should just tell her, she thought.

Mary sighed and rolled her eyes, "Sybil, I know when you're up to something. Usually, ordering the car doesn't take longer than a couple of minutes." She wondered what her little sister could be up to. Why wouldn't she just tell her?

"Fine," she replied, slightly annoyed. "There's a by-election in Ripon next week, I won't miss it Mary," she confessed. There was no way she was going to be kept away from it. It was too important to miss.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that." If it involved the chauffeur, it couldn't have been about anything else.

Sybil hadn't expected Mary to react so calmly to it. Maybe she wouldn't mind her going after all. "So I can go then? You won't tell Papa?" She asked naively.

Mary almost laughed. Did she actually think she'd get away with it, running away with the chauffeur to attend some political speech all without their papa finding out?

"Of course you can't go!" Mary replied, her voice rising a little. "Honestly, Papa would go mad if he even heard you'd been talking to the chauffeur about it!" What had got into Sybil lately? She never used to be this rebellious. After this conversation, she definitely shared her father's opinion of Branson. How dare he think it alright to talk about personal matters with a member of the family!

"You won't tell him will you?!" Sybil was quick to respond. Her papa couldn' t know. He would never let her go.

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'll have to," she paused, looking at her baby sister's scared face, "Branson has overstepped his mark, I think it would be best if Papa let him go." Mary decided. As hard as it may be for her darling sister, she had to do what she thought best. Her mind was made up.

"Best for whom?" Sybil argued, "having Branson sacked won't stop me from having my own opinions, I'm political, why can't you accept that?"

Mary sighed, "I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"No! Mary, please," Sybil begged, "I won't go to the by-election but please don't say anything about Branson. He doesn't have anything to do with it, I asked him to drive me but that's all. He isn't anymore involved than that," she promised.

Mary was beginning to sense that Sybil and Branson were more friendly than she had originally thought. Sybil seemed determined for him to stay at Downton and she didn't recall her begging poor old Taylor to stay when he decided it was time to leave. Come to think of it, she did talk about Branson a lot more than she should... She couldn't help but feel worried for her sister. She just hoped that she was wrong.

* * *

Matthew had been angry at himself since his fall out with Mary two days previous. He hadn't been up to the abbey since. He had even declined Cora's offer to join them for supper. Come to think of it, he hadn't really been anywhere for two days apart from his office, and although he was overcome with exhaustion, he couldn't seem to sleep. During the day he seemed to be able to distract himself from thinking of a certain tall brunette but at night, she haunted his thoughts. He couldn't make himself think of anything or anyone but her. He didn't even know the reason for it, she had always been incredibly rude to him, she had scarcely shown him kindess and he was almost certain she didn't spend sleepless nights thinking of him... And yet, for some inexplicable reason he couldn't stop thinking about her.

What was it about her that made him feel the way he did? He had certainly never felt that way before about a woman, but then again, he had never met a woman like her. Images of her flashed repeatedly through his mind: the way her face lit up when she smiled at him that day on the bench, the way she looked after having cried her eyes out, the way she still managed to look utterly beautiful despite her hair being completely discheveled by the wind. She truly was the most sublime woman he had even laid eyes on.

When she had left him standing in the entrance with her parents, his heart had broke. Not because she had rejected his friendship yet again - no he was used to that - but because of how sad, how defeated she looked. He couldn't help but blame himself although deep down he knew that it was entirely his fault, Mary also had unresolved issues with Robert.

No, it was no good, he thought. He needed to find out where he stood; he had to speak to Mary.

He jumped up from behind his desk, grabbed his hat and gloves and made his way to the front door.

"Matthew?" Isobel asked as she descended the stairs, "where are you going at this hour?"

He spun around at the sound of his mother's voice. "I need to speak with... Robert," he said, "some business involving one of the tenants," he mumbled as he put on his coat.

"Surely it can wait until the morning," she replied, confused as to why Robert would want to see her son so late. He hadn't mentioned anything before...

"It's urgent I'm afraid," he trailed off, opening the door. "I've got to go," he said still seeming in a terrible rush.

"But-" he had already left the house.

"Don't wait up!" He shouted as he reached the front gate.

"How strange," Isobel said, looking over at Molesly who stood by the door and looked just as puzzled as she did.

* * *

Matthew didn't like lying to his mother but he knew that if he had told her the real reason for his visiting Downton so late, she would have talked him out of going.

It was rather a cold night, he could feel the chilly breeze hit him as he walked. Despite the close to freezing temperature, Matthew kept on walking knowing that with every step he was getting closer to confronting Mary. He didn't even know what he was going to say to her once he arrived at the abbey, he hadn't really thought about that. He just hoped it would come naturally, he was sure Mary would have something to say anyway although he knew not to expect an apology.

He walked faster and faster along the frost-covered path until he was almost running. The sky was getting darker, in fact it would have been pitch black had it not been for the bright moon that lit up the sky.

Minutes later, Matthew arrived at the big house. He made his way over to the front doors, praying that Carson and the family had not yet retired for the evening. He took a moment to regain his posture and ran a hand through his no doubtedly messy hair in hope to make himself look half decent.

After taking a deep breath, he raised his hand to the oak door and knocked, hoping that someone would be there to let him in.

Just as Edith was making her way upstairs, she heard the knocking at the door. She stopped in her steps and looked around to see if Carson was around. Not able to see him she turned around and walked back down the stairs and into the hall. Just then, there was yet another knock at the door. She thought about answering it herself but decided against it at so late an hour. Who could it be at this time? She thought.

"Ah William!" She exclaimed enthusiastically as she saw the footman appear.

"Yes, m'lady?" He asked as he made his way over to her, a candle in his hand.

"There's someone at the door and Carson doesn't seem to be around," she paused, looking back to the entrance, "would you mind seeing who it is?" She smiled.

"Of course, m'lady," the young man replied. He walked over to entrance, placed his candle on the side table and turned the key.

Edith, who hadn't moved from the middle of the hall peered around William and was relieved to see the familiar face.

"Mr. Crawley," William said as he pulled the door open.

"Ah, William!" Matthew said, relieved. He was starting to think that no one would answer.

"Matthew!" Edith said surprised as she made her way over to her cousin. He hadn't been to the house for days and he had just turned up out of the blue without any warning at half past ten! It didn't take long before she realized his reason for being there. Although he was polite, he didn't seem interested in her in the slightest. He just kept on looking over her shoulder, it didn't take a genius to work out what he had come for, or rather who.

"What brings you here?" She asked as though she hadn't already worked it out.

She hadn't already gone to bed, had she? He thought. She didn't seem to be around. No one seemed to be around come to think of it, apart from Edith of course. Maybe it was a little late to be calling round. Maybe he should have listened to his mother…

"As a matter of fact," he began, still looking around, "I was hoping to speak to Mary," he trailed off, seeming somewhat distracted.

She didn't even know why she bothered asking.

"Oh," she began, "she went up about ten minutes ago." He looked like a puppy that had been locked out of the house on a cold night. She did feel a little sorry for him.

"Ah..." He replied. He felt like a fool, of course she'd be in her room. What was he thinking?

Edith rolled her eyes.

"She might not have changed yet," Edith said, giving in to the defeated expression on his face.

His eyes shot up from the rug and met her eyes. "Do you think I could talk to her?" He asked. He knew how terribly improper he was being but he simply had to speak to her. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he did.

"Wait here," she sighed, "I'll tell her you're here but I can't promise anything," she said.

Matthew nodded. "Thank you."

He watched as Edith made her way upstairs and hoped that Mary would agree to see him. He knew that the chances were she would send him home without even saying hello. But he now knew that she had two sides to her, the Mary he had found crying in the woods, the Mary he had laughed and joked with, that was the side of her he loved.

Edith reached Mary's room and knocked on the door. She didn't even know why she was doing this. What had Mary ever done for her?

"Wait a minute, don't come in!" Mary shouted from the other side of the door.

"It's only me," Edith reassured her.

Oh god, what did she want? Mary thought as she wrapped her dressing gown around her and made her way to the door.

"What is it?" She asked, peering round the door, not letting Edith in. If she let her in, she'd never get rid of her and she was tired, she hadn't been getting much sleep lately. Since Matthew and she had arrived late a couple of days previous, she hadn't been able to sleep properly. Her mother's words kept on spinning around in her head: 'do you have feelings for Matthew?'. What kind of question was that anyway? Out of all the questions her mother could have asked her, she had to ask that one. Did she have feelings for Matthew? Of course she didn't. She had told him what she thought of him when he first arrived at Downton; he was the sea monster and she was in search of Perseus. To admit she had feelings for him now would go against everything she believed in. They weren't well suited, they were not compatible and everyone, including Matthew would have to deal with it.

"It's Matthew," Edith informed her.

Now what?! She wondered. Would she ever be free of him?

"What about him?" She asked, pulling the door open a little wider.

"He's downstairs," Edith said, "he's downstairs and he wants to speak to you."

 **TBC.**

* * *

That's all for this chapter! What will Mary do?  
Please review to let me know what you thought, so far you've all been so encouraging and kind, thank you!


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